The Pryordurkins

Posts Tagged ‘english’

Livingston nestles just outside Edinburgh. It is a cold and soulless place. Cold both physically and in appearance; soulless as the corpses in the council graveyard. A concrete shopping centre nestles in this town – a cold and soulless centre that is not out of place in its surroundings. In fact, there is nothing here but the shopping centre. And in a corner of this place nestles an Indian restaurant. Not, I should say, the archetypal Indian restaurant, but of a style more akin to the MacDonald’s next door – the Drive-In MacDonald’s next door. Mind you, the furniture was different: not slatted wooden benches but moulded plastic chairs. Yes, those you used to have at school in the seventies. And laminate tables.

I ordered safely – an onion bhaji, chicken korma, pilau rice and popadoms. The bhaji came in ten minutes.  It was flat. Indeed, it came in two halves, both flat, skirting a piece of limp lettuce, yesterday’s tomato and a slice of cucumber.  The main attraction were the two dip-in bowls of fluid. One was pink – shocking pink – and lived up to its colour.  It tasted roughly of vinegar and strawberry sherbets. The other was white and made no pretence about only tasting of the vinegar.  The bhaji was warm. I give it 1/2 (half) out of 5 purely on the basis that it survived the microwave. The plate for my curry came shortly after.  If it had been warm, which I doubt, it wasn’t now.  Ten minutes later the korma, rice and popadoms appeared. The korma looked yellow as normal; the rice looked similar to the fine gravel at the bottom of a fish tank. Unfortunately the korma was the most bland and soulless korma I have ever come across. Perhaps it, too, was getting in on the soulless act that defined its surroundings. No hint of coconut. Indeed, no hint of anything at all. Ugh!  I didn’t finish it and made no excuse about getting the bill and leaving fast.  And the restaurant had been recommended to me by my Scottish taxi driver! I should have known better.  After all, wasn’t Scotland the home of that most English of Indian cuisine, the tikka masala?

I give it an overall score of 1 out of 5. Why 1? Well, I had laughed when I first saw the shocking shocking pink dip. And I felt a warm glow inside me on leaving – a heartening feeling that the next one just had to be better.

Pryordurkin rating 1 Star.  Tel 01506 416622

We went along to see Monkey. Journey to the West by Jamie Hewlett and Damon Albarn at London’s O2 Arena in North Greenwich last night.  We had seen a documentary earlier this year about the making of this new Opera and were fascinated by the creative process behind its making.  Having missed it playing in Manchester and being too busy to see it at the Royal Opera House in London we were pleased to have bagged a couple of tickets ahead of them being released to Joe public.  I’d listened to the Album some weeks ago and couldn’t quite buy into it.  I had therefore thought with the context of the show, it might all fit together and the penny would finally drop.  Unfortunately it didn’t really. The talent was obvious to see from the start both in the way the Opera had been written and the brilliant graphics used throughout.  The acrobatic players were themselves clearly excellent in what they do and could easily have being mistaken for a Cirque de Soleil cast.  However it never quite seemed to come together in a way that connected with the audience.  It was a bit like going to see Cirque de Soleil only without the gasps of awe and clapping from the audience you usually get when amazing feats of human acrobatics play out in front of you.  The audience at this show sat predominantly silent throughout.  The only time there was a connection was when the main character playing Monkey sat on the edge of the stage with another cast member, taking a sip of water and asking his colleague in English, if he wanted a drink; his colleague replying with another question about whether he wanted a smoke in return.  Monkey commenting “it’s England they don’t smoke here”, before returning to character and climbing back on stage.  A momentary burst of laughter from audience at this point reminded me there were several hundred people behind us watching the show.  The best scene played out in the second half of the show following the interval, when for a moment it nearly came together; the music, the acrobatics, the characters and the amazing graphics, but this soon passed and the ending came without much of a crescendo. We only knew to clap when the curtain started to fall.

An interesting experience all in all.  It was technically brilliant but unfortunately lacked any passion resulting in little connection between the players and the audience.  It was an Opera with high IQ but little by the way of EQ.

Pryordurkin rating. 3 Stars.

Opposite the Holiday Inn Kings Cross/Bloomsbury sits The Union Tavern at 52 Lloyd Baker Street in London.  I returned to visit this little pub restaurant on Wednesday 23rd July 08.  The place had only one other customer as I arrived just after 7.15pm.  Sitting in a window seat I was quickly disappointed by the complimentary basket of bread served up.  It was stale.  Not a great start.

I placed my order; going for the soup of the day and Brandade de Morue  (I’ll explain this later – don’t get excited though).

The service was not exactly professional.  I was not offered the chance to taste the wine I ordered up, an expensively priced cheap Chilean Sauvignon Blanc was pored straight into my glass.

My soup arrived very quickly.  I know this because I had not quite finished breaking my teeth on the stale bread.  The warning bells were starting to ring.  The soup had clearly been microwaved and was tasteless.  No seasoning that could be detected and very little by the way of flavour.  Taking a phone call distracted me from the blandness and my main dish quickly followed my starter dish being cleared.  Woop Woop noises were by now ringing in my head.  The main was, what I can only describe as, two boring tasteless fish cakes squashed together in a small dish served up with salad.  I kid you not.  Basically, it was mashed potato with a hint (and I mean hint) of fish, spooned into an ob-longish disk sprinkled with bread crumbs.  Cheap awful tasteless ingredients (a bit like the soup).

Why pub restaurants like this try and be poncy with meals, when good simply high quality ingredient packed dishes are all that is required.

I was by now in the mood to sample the next disaster just for the hell of it and they didn’t disappoint.  What was a beautifully described desert turned out to be nothing more than mint chocolate ice cream, ponced up with a tasteless, lifeless chocolate sponge and creme anglais, or as the waiter kindly pointed out, cold English custard (I now know I look thick).

A very disapointing meal at the end of a very busy and tiring day.  I won’t go back.  Instead I will take the Taxi drivers advice and go the restaurant over the road.  Muratori’s.

Score 0 Stars.

The Union Tavern, 52 Lloyd Baker Street, London WC1X 9AA. Telephone 0871 984 1462

UPDATE 10th April 08.  This hotel was the subject of an expose documentary that shows on English TV this week.  Undercover filming has shown some interesting ways in which the rooms are cleaned and a few allegations around the supply of linen. For my part though I have always found the rooms to be spotless and I’ve yet to see a rat, however I did always wonder how they got the sinks so shiny!

ORIGINAL 3 April 08.

This week I found myself spending a couple of nights at the Radisson Edwardian Grafton Hotel on Tottenham Court Road in London. I quite like the individual check in desks within the main lobby and the staff are attentive and keen to please. The hotel has quite a boutique feel about the place supported by the collection of modern contemporary art that can be found on every wall and in every corner.

The rooms although sometimes a little small are quite stylish and go to make you feel just that little more at home. There is a good selection of TV channels catering for both the home market and travellers from Europe.

The restaurant and bar areas are very popular and the atmosphere is relaxed, friendly and comfortable. Some Hotel restaurants and bars feel a little cold and devoid of personality; this one has spades full of character. The only odd thing I find though, is the strip lighting used in the restaurant. The room itself is old and beautiful and who thought lighting it with modern fluorescent strip lights ought to be sacked.

The staff themselves are very professional but on the whole a little miserable. However there are some exceptions and Hasan, the breakfast restaurant manager is very friendly and attentive indeed.

The food served up is good by Hotel standards. It is freshly cooked, seasonal and very tasty.

I would not hesitate in recommending this hotel for the style, service and food. 

Score: 3 Stars. Visited April 08.

Written by Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais, Jason Statham stars in this film we decided to catch this afternoon at Vue Cinema in York. Along with Saffron Burrows and David Suchet, it turned out to be a good old fashioned London villains romp. Based on a true story with only the names changed to protect the guilty it had a great plot and was fairly fast moving. It was fun to spot the English actors popping up here and there and Peter Bowles who I last saw in To the Manor born, seems to have aged well.

Go see it and by the way James Statham stills looks as good as ever without a shirt.

Score: 3 Stars. Seen March 08.

While visiting Dusty’s parents we decided to have lunch at The Crown of Crucis, near Cirencester. The car park was empty as we pulled up at around 1 o’clock on Saturday the 3rd November. We had booked ourselves a table in the restaurant thinking it would be the best part of the hotel to eat in. We’ll come to why this was a silly assumption later. We were shown to our table having walked past quite a tempting display of deserts set out on a nicely laid but uncovered table. We ordered some drinks and sat down to study the restaurant menu and very comprehensive plastic bar menu. Part way through studying, we also discovered a dish of the day menu on the table alongside the paper napkins.

The bar menu was something else. Indian, Chinese, Italian, English and Mexican dishes were all on offer. The restaurant menu was mainly fish. We think they need to take some advice from Gordon Ramsay on simplifying. Anyway, Dusty set off to the Bar to place our order (even though we were in the restaurant!) and was barked at by the owner who could only be described as frightening. We started to see why the place was so quiet. Anyway the food was ordered and Dusty regained his calm composure and we waited. It was only at this point that we realised the restaurant was actually the poor relation compared to the rest of the place. The bar area was actually quite nice. It was cosy, had a great fireplace and looked liked some thought had been put into its design. The restaurant however was plain, soulless and cold.

The food arrived at our ‘now fixed’ wobbly table and we tucked into, Gammon, Egg & Chips (for me), Lamb Kaftas (for Dusty), Chicken Tandoori (for Walter) and Ham, Pineapple & Chips (for Mavis). The food was OK and scored between 2 and 3 on the rating scale for the individual meals.

It was time for desert and we set of to look at the tempting array set out, as mentioned earlier on the tables as you enter the restaurant. Two staff stood behind waiting to take my order and the matronly owner hovered barking orders at her staff to ‘hurry up’. As I arrived, she was scolding her staff for having served ‘too large a portion’ of Strawberry Gateau to Mavis who had gone up before. They looked nervous as I approached. Having quietly chosen, the owner barked again, telling her poor staff how to serve my desert. Even I was starting to feel scared by this point as was pleased to get back to the safety of my table. The deserts were quite nice but by this point, the staff were under orders now to set the restaurant tables for the next guests. Loudly shouting orders, we knew our time was up and we needed to leave.

An interesting visit all in all, if only to be scared a little by the overbearing owner. Even the bloke serving behind the bar rolled his eyes a few times as his boss/wife strode around giving instructions.

Give it a go if you fancy a meal with a difference and let us know what you think.

Score: 2 Stars. Visited November 2007.

Tel: +44(0)1285 851806